“Why do I” comes from a disconnection between yourself and those things that keep you grounded and in your integrity. We tend to feel grounded when we connected to something that gives us and/or our life a sense of meaning, such as faith, family, nature or something bigger than ourselves, especially in daily life. When grounded, we tend to feel a sense of balance and calm and ease. “Why do I” questions are also the result of losing sight of our integrity, also known as our moral compass and behavioral principles. Integrity is an articulated version of what we personally stand for as well as our own sense of right and wrong.
We can become disconnected from being grounded and in integrity in a variety of ways, but most can be narrowed down to the fears and judgments we hold, about ourselves and the people or world around us. Everyone has fears and judgments, but many are not in touch with them, trying instead to simply ignore or deny them, usually (and ironically) because of a fear of being judged as weak or less than. Our attitudes and actions, when paid attention to, can give us real insight into those things that take us away from our feelings of being grounded and our integrity.
If your total was under 25
Fear and judgment likely run your day. You may lie or deceive to either keep yourself in the shadows or to stay perched on a pedestal you have created for yourself. You likely struggle to clearly articulate to yourself or others your moral principles and do not know from one day to the next what situations or activities bring you balance.
If your total was between 26 and 50
You have insight into where your moral compass points on some issues but might be easily swayed by others. You give yourself little time and are running around a lot, worried that something or someone will negatively impact your goals and desired outcomes. You would like to feel more confident than you do now.
If your total was between 51 and 75
You are generally patient with yourself and others, but still worry about what other people might think so can sometimes be aggressive rather than assertive. Some of your attitudes and actions are driven by fear; something you feel you should accept as “part of how things are”. Under stress, you are still likely to downplay the importance of taking time for yourself.
If your total was over 75
You know where you stand on your principles and give time to things that are important to you. Your integrity is a strong rudder in challenging times. More often than not, you feel balanced in your day-to-day activities. You do notice, however, that sometimes you project your integrity on to others, not always giving them their right to behave or believe as they see fit.
The information below outlines several attitudes and actions of someone with a high MeQ™ score in this section. Please use them as a path of development for yourself. Again, this is not about labels – it is about learning.
Why do I at Work
High scores in this area of the MeQ™ mean that you have a clear sense of the attitudes and actions that will keep you focused and productive. You are confident in the tasks and projects you need to complete and use your voice clearly to clarify any confusion or gaps of understanding, for yourself or others. You are a patient and empathic colleague or boss and are aligned with corporate objectives. You do not project on to others how you think they should behave at work and you won’t be found around the watercooler gossiping about others. You are the same person in the office as you are at home, and are proud of that cohesion.
Why do I at Rest
Specifically, our fears (within self and of others) and our judgments (within self and of others) can easily impact close personal relationships with our partner, family and close friends, more so than any other area of life. The familiarity and history of these close relationships can rip open even the smallest cracks in integrity or feelings of being grounded. Our own flaws and weaknesses are on constant display simply by the very nature of connection. If we neither fear the judgment of others nor judge others in return, our close personal relationships are an immeasurable source of joy and welcomed growth. High scores in this section of the MeQ™ mean that you are completely comfortable being yourself, warts and all. To do this, you have strong boundaries with others and are highly attentive to the boundaries of others. You are empathic and patient, knowing that what another person does is a reflection of their own degree of self-awareness and you feel no need to judge their attitudes and actions. You do not need to ‘score points’ or push people away. You prioritize time for the things that keep you grounded so that when times are challenging, as they always are, you are strong within yourself and able to minimize or reframe any internal false noise that could give rise to unnecessary fears and judgements.
Why do I at Play
We generally underestimate the degree to which our personal identity is related to our social connections. You, however, have this understanding and you find great joy in your social circle. While you are probably not “the life of the party”, you are certainly willing to participate in activities that others enjoy, even if you end up looking a bit silly. You won’t, however, let people lead you into activities that go against your personal integrity or interfere with the attitudes and actions that keep you grounded. You do not hesitate in leaving any relationship that infringes upon your identity. You support the goals and achievements of others and are not jealous of their achievements. Being fearless in any kind of relationship allows you to stand as you truly are and you would welcome having all your contacts, even those closest to you and/or from work, all together in the same room.
- We tend to procrastinate about things we are afraid of – become familiar with what is behind your hesitations or avoidance
- Do something every day that is a bit of a stretch of your confidence; recognize you will not always be successful, but confidence actually comes from doing, not winning
- Have an accountability buddy who can nudge and encourage you through those activities that you are not confident about
- Using a journal, reflect back on your day especially highlighting what makes you proud of yourself that day
- Ask someone to kindly point it out to you whenever they hear you “shoulding” on yourself or other people
- Identify the people that you are most afraid of; figure out why you are afraid and ask yourself whether that fear is realistic or simply internal noise
- Whenever possible, pause before making any decision (for yourself or involving others) to check internally to see if your decision is based on fear or judgment
- If you suffer from “Fraud Factor” or “Imposter Syndrome”, challenge that narrative with a list of all the things you have achieved in life
- Use a visual or tangible touchstone, such as a small judge’s gavel or plastic hammer, and every time you internally or externally judge someone, tap that gavel or hammer on your desk or countertop
- Do the same every time you catch yourself judging yourself!
- When are you at your best, in a state of flow or highly energized? Do more of that.
- Set aside at least a few minutes at the end of each day to consciously pause and acknowledge your greatness (yes, seriously).
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